Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Part 3 Under a Microscope

While writing my posts briefly chronicling my faith journey, I had a feeling that some pieces of it would evoke stronger responses than others, most of all Part 3. As was the case with all four of these posts, it was chopped up by my Pampered Chef Selective Memory and served back in easy-to-swallow bites. Or so I thought. It was pointed out to me earlier today that perhaps this piece especially is chopped too fine to really be considered a full meal. You ever hear someone talk about not liking hot dogs because one day when they were little they ate one too many and threw up? That's what Part 3 was, except I forgot to mention how good the ice cream was beforehand.

I'm mixing food metaphors. Here's what I'm getting at. I remember my junior year of college being very intense and dark, faith-wise and in certain cases relationship-wise. There were other things that I didn't mention (and some things I won't mention) going on that year, some of which contributed to and some of which counterbalanced my overall experience of September 1999-May 2000 being the year I swore off hot dogs forever. And I hadn't realized until this afternoon just how amazingly despicable I consider that time to be, at the expense of all that ice cream.

My memories of Campus Fellowship are not frequently positive . The reason for this is because the negative ones get played back more often. My intent while writing Part 3 was to convey the contribution Campus Fellowship--more specifically, the actions of a few people in Campus Fellowship--made to that year being considered so dark. What I realize now is that in conveying that contribution I've overlooked other moments and other people's actions that were not meant to be impugned during my impugning.

Were there some nosy strangers around me at that time? Yes, there were. There were also many loving friends who only wanted the best for me, and still do.

Were there judgmental and mean things perpetrated by some CF members toward others on campus? Yes, there were. There were also many loving things expressed by many CF members toward others on campus.

Was there opposition to my mini-presentation to the leadership team? Of course. Did others stand with me? Very much so.

I cite these things to show that in the midst of great darkness there were some very bright flames that kept me from cursing it completely. I overlook those flames a lot of the time, and that's at my own expense.

I still can't bring myself to eat another hot dog, but that's not all I ate that day.

Thanks for reminding me.:)

P.S. Part 3 has also been modified to be fair to the ice cream.

This post has been modified.