Monday, October 02, 2006

Monday Morning Grumblings

What. The hell. Happened. Ever have one of those dreams where you aren't prepared for something or your worst fears come true? Any minute now I'm SURE that my alarm clock is going to go off and the Tigers really beat Kansas City (FREAKING KANSAS CITY) and won the Division and aren't going to play the Yankees in New York tomorrow with NATE ROBERTSON starting. Where'd all the spark, the confidence, go? That's what Detroit players were saying all summer long when asked about the big turnaround: "Well, we've just got our confidence back." And you couldn't find any the last week of the season when you're on the verge of winning a title against Kansas (FREAKING) City?


Even apart from that, I wanted to crawl into a hole yesterday morning. Due to events the past week or so around here I've been in a little more sensitive mode. I asked my kids during the children's sermon what we can find in a newspaper. Back to back, I got "funeral announcements" and "wedding announcements." So naturally, I have to make the crack about how strange it is that they're so close together, inciting a giggle from the congregation. It was sometime during communion that I started to think too much about that comment, and how so-and-so, who is still grieving the loss of a spouse, heard it. I think too much about it some more, and by the time the prayers of the people come around I've worked myself up so much that I blurt out a prayer for "pastors who make irresponsible comments during children's sermons." Yeah. Seriously. Afterwards I got a whole bunch of "It wasn't bad" and "Oh, it was funny" and one "Did someone actually write that on a prayer slip?" So it was one of those moments where I made things worse (if they were bad to begin with) by drawing attention back to it. Just like I'm doing now by writing about it. Thank God today is my day off.

I'm going to remember September as that sort of month. It was a month of disappointments and second-guessing and anxiety and wondering if certain things will ever be more than they are. For some reason, fall is still my favorite season, even though it tends to bring this kind of drama with it. Or I tend to create it. Both/and.


Rachel Nguyen said...

Oh, I feel for you today! I know that there are times when I get hyper self concious about things too. In fact, yesterday I apologized to a fellow congregant for being rude to her the week before. She had absolutely no clue what I was talking about, and now probably thinks I am loopy to boot. For me, it helps to remember that it doesn't really matter what others think of me... only what God thinks of me. (I stole that directly from Therese of Lisieux, by the way.)

erin said...

sorry about your Tigers Jeffie.....but let's look at a silver lining, shall we? Your college football team (who shall remain nameless by my fingers and lips) is on a major roll and won their little brown jug!

Not that I'm happy for them, mind you, but I'm just attempting to cheer you up a little bit.

Oh yeah, and GO BUCKS! ;)


Stacey said...

Oh, I totally know the feeling. Yesterday I turned around from doing the children's sermon, and ran into the lectern - and instead of just laughing and moving on, I made a big deal of my awkwardness, which of course basically turned worship into the Stacey Comedy Show. And then I felt all guilty and neurotic about that for the rest of the service. September has been that sort of month for me too. I still love fall, although I'm getting a little sick of myself and my way of being in it.

Anonymous said...

I hear God's grace is sufficient to cover the whole month of September and all Pastoral shortcomings...

Offered with a big smile and tons of love!