Don't Read This If You Really Like Valentine's Day

My brother sent me this list of sayings for Valentine's Cards that Hallmark won't use for some reason. Enjoy.

~If love were a flavor of ice cream, it would be Mint Chocolate Chip because I love that flavor.

~I used to think that love was something I could feel only once in a lifetime. And then I met your sister.

~Love is like applesauce--it's mushy and makes me want to poop.

~Two lovers in love are better than three lovers in a love triangle, because two is less than three, and too much love can give you gas.

~Roses are red, violets are blue, yada yada yada here's a card.

~If Chuck Norris were your boyfriend, he probably would have gotten you more than this crappy card.

~The Beatles once philosophized that all you need is love. I would argue that you need food, water, and shelter, too.

~If my love for you were a television show, I would definitely TiVo it every week.

~I would really like to vocalize my feelings for you, but I'm a wuss, so this card does it for me.

~Did you ever think when we met that we would be as happy as we are now? I know I didn't.

~Love is like a fine wine--it gets better with age and can stain the rug.

~Someone once asked me to compare love to a flower. I thought that was stupid.

~If I could think of a song that would describe my love for you, I think I would choose something by Dido...maybe that duet she did with Eminem...that had a good beat.