Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Small Sips: Stupid Church Signs, "Gentlemen's Agreements," Paternity Leave, Da Bard

"Small Sips" is a new POC flavor where I run down a few different stories or topics in fairly quick succession.

More on the morons:
According to the pastor who put up the wonderful, loving, certainly-not-false-witness-bearing message, "Obama, Osama, Hummm, Are They Brothers?", he "just wanted to get people thinking." The problem is that he clearly wants people to think a certain thing, and we're way past that thing getting played out. So Obama kind of sounds like Osama, and that must mean that Obama is an evil Muslim terrorist. This pastor is, however, able to take this stupid notion to the next level by asking whether they're brothers. Obama is Barack's last name. Osama is bin Laden's first name.

Obviously, this guy didn't get the memo that suggesting Obama is a Muslim is so two months ago. Most people have moved on to accepting that he's a Christian, but suggesting that he isn't the right kind of Christian. Come on man, try to keep up.

As perhaps readers have guessed based on my past few entries, I'm greatly souring at this whole election cycle.

Update: the church was told by the denomination to take it down.

No Gentlemen in Columbus: I'm a little late to this party, but since I'm already all bent out of shape this morning, why not? A few months ago, Purdue football coach Joe Tiller got all upset after one of his recruits, Roy Roundtree, decided at the last minute to go to Michigan instead. Tiller called Rich Rodriguez a "snake-oil salesman" and stated that there's a "gentleman's agreement" among Big Ten coaches not to go after each others' recruits after they've committed. Well, of course someone had to ask Ohio State coach Jim Tressel about this, specifically whether there really is a "gentleman's agreement" in the Big Ten, to which he responded, "I guess only between gentlemen." And then OSU fans were all like, "OMG he slammed teh RichRod~! Woooo!!1!1"

There's just one problem with that:

Last December, Melvin Fellows orally committed to play football for Illinois, declared his decision final and said, "This is the end of the process for me."

According to a vague, unwritten Big Ten code of conduct, at that point Fellows was off limits to other league coaches. That's how it is supposed to work, at least -- once a kid commits, back off.

Far from backing off, though, Ohio State came after him hard. Just weeks after his Illinois commitment, the Buckeyes offered Fellows a scholarship. And on Saturday, the big defensive end from Garfield Heights will stand on the Ohio Stadium sidelines, watching the Buckeyes' spring game instead of the Illini's game, as he had originally planned.

The high school junior once was rock-solid in the Illini camp, but he now says, "I'm pretty up on Ohio State. I like Ohio State."

So, when Tressel says, "only among gentlemen," I wonder who he's talking about.

Adventures in Paternity: So I'm into my second week of paternity leave, and I thought I'd let you know how it's going. Coffeewife and I take night feedings/changings/prayer vigils that he'll go back to sleep in shifts. She more or less handles 11 to 3, and then I take 3 to 7. Coffeeson is fed both au naturale and with formula, so it's easy for us to do this. Honestly, he's pretty good. Coffeewife feeds him around midnight or 1, and then he's good until sometime between 3 and 4. As such, I've caught some early morning Comedy Central Presents and ESPN highlights, and way more Girls Gone Wild commercials than I'd care to count. For the most part, though, he sleeps pretty well through the night, comparatively speaking.

There's been a bit of a downside to the paternity leave experience. First off, there's this weird aura that tends to surround my time off. This past week marked my fourth vacation/leave time during which a church member has died. She was one of the saints, so I had no issue with stepping in to officiate. I've actually been approached by several people making sure that I'm going to make up this time. I was planning on doing that anyway, but it was great to hear them bring it up first.

Happy Birthday, Bill: Tomorrow is William Shakespeare's birthday, and Coffeeson's projected due date. So in honor of The Bard, here's my favorite of his sonnets, number 112:

Your love and pity doth the impression fill
Which vulgar scandal stamp'd upon my brow;
For what care I who calls me well or ill,
So you o'er-green my bad, my good allow?
You are my all the world, and I must strive
To know my shames and praises from your tongue:
None else to me, nor I to none alive,
That my steel'd sense or changes right or wrong.
In so profound abysm I throw all care
Of others' voices, that my adder's sense
To critic and to flatterer stopped are.
Mark how with my neglect I do dispense:
You are so strongly in my purpose bred
That all the world besides methinks are dead.