Monday, August 11, 2008

Give Me a Bit

Yesterday afternoon, as I am wont to do, I sat in an empty sanctuary. There's something about an empty sanctuary fresh off a worship service that adds to the silence. It's as if something had been building up all week and finally released...and in a way, it had. This room sits empty most of the week anyway, but just a few hours removed from it being filled (or as filled as it was for us, particularly on a Sunday in August), it always seems a little more empty. Know what I mean?

So there I sat, a bottle of Mountain Dew perched on the railing, my materials finally cleared from the pulpit (I went home and came back later for them). The grass out by the cemetery was still a nice bright green, though I knew that the fall chill is beginning to make itself known. It may have looked like summer, but it's slowly beginning to feel like something different.

Coffeewife and Coffeeson were off at a bridal shower, and of all places I'd chosen this spot to spend at least part of an afternoon all to myself. It seemed a little absurd, even though I knew why I like it there so much: the silence. Something finally being released. The culmination of another week. Add to it the realization that yet another summer is coming to a close and my favorite time of the year will soon arrive, and you have the makings of a meditative moment for one Coffeepastor.

I don't know if any other pastors enjoy empty sanctuaries as much as I do. I can't imagine that I'm the only one. I don't really worry about it, either.

This was before I shuffled off to Borders and do what I always do: browse for a book that maybe perhaps eventually I'll get around to reading. I'm a lot more picky nowadays when I browse the religion section...a lot of it looks the same. You can choose from a bunch of "Jesus is all about your personal fulfillment" books, or books that try to make the case that God loves this political agenda more than the other, or books that parse out some theological issue or other at great painful length, and a handful of emergent-of-the-week stuff. Browsing all these usual themes have made me tired lately. I feel the need to be more selective: I've either been there, done that in terms of the subject matter, or I want to find something that I'm really interested in, really going to stick with.

And then there's this blog, fresh off my admitting that I can't devote as much attention to 365 albums as I'd like. This blog, that doesn't feel as energized of late even though I've posted regularly enough to fool people. This blog, that has taken a backseat to so many things lately--important things, mind you. Real life things. This blog that I once had so much more time and energy for.

I press on, of course. I press on toward fall and through books that I want to read and posting blog entries. But it's all at a different pace now. I think that I'm still coming to grips with this new pace; still trying to understand it and accept it.

I'll figure out this different pace eventually. Just give me a bit.