Geek Christmas

July 31st is the Feast of Ignatius of Loyola. I know this because the spiritual direction program through which I received my training focuses on Ignatius, and celebrates this day accordingly every year.

As it turns out, it is also the observed birthday of dark wizard-vanquishing literary character Harry Potter.

When I learned this second tidbit, I quipped on social media that July 31st is "Geek Christmas." If you happen to be both a church nerd and a fan of J.K Rowling's magical universe, this is the day for you.

How you celebrate can take a variety of forms.

You can have a movie watch party while reflecting on the interior movements that each scene provokes for you.

You can pretend to be laid up with a cannonball wound with nothing to read but The Sorcerer's Stone.

You can meditate on a scene from one of the books by entering into it as one of the characters or as an observer, noticing the sights, smells, sounds, and emotions present.

You can watch Sharknado 2: The Second One on DVR.

The possibilities are endless. However you end up celebrating, may it be a magical and/or meditative day.

Tips on Church Visioning from "Weird Al" Yankovic

Everyone has music that helps mark their childhood. The artists that one hears during those formative years tend to stick with us, evoking memories when the oldies are played and, while not always the case, we may be likely to follow a few of these throughout their careers, no matter what sorts of turns their musical styles take.

Sometime in elementary school, I first heard "Weird Al" Yankovic's classic song "Eat It," a parody of Michael Jackson's "Beat It." A few years later, a friend lent me his copy of the album Even Worse, and I laughed so hard at some songs that I cried. That was all it took to make me a fan for life.

A few weeks ago, "Weird Al" released his latest album, Mandatory Fun. As I've mentioned, I've worried with recent albums that I wouldn't be as familiar with the songs he parodies, as I tend not to listen to mainstream radio nearly as much as I used to. Fortunately, this hasn't often been the case, and the songs he's chosen to skewer on Mandatory Fun are popular enough that even I who have been wandering off the musical beaten path for years was able to join in on the fun.

As he has done several times, "Weird Al" chose an older song to parody this time around, that being Crosby, Stills, and Nash's "Carry On," refashioning it as "Mission Statement."  The concept of this song is pretty simple: string together a bunch of the most common buzzwords and phrases used in the world of business, including "efficiently," "synergy," "trajectory," "philosophy," "maximize," and countless others. Here, take a listen:

The song, much like most companies' actual mission statements, sounds impressive until you realize it doesn't really say anything. It's just a bunch of jargon that may in some real way describe a business' plan or purpose, but isn't really all that connected to what individuals and teams are doing.

So, then, why would a business have a mission statement? Why would they bother to craft one, let alone hang it on posters and send it out on memos? There are any number of answers to that. For one, it makes people feel better about trying to name and communicate a group's purpose, whether anyone other than the task force that wrote it cares or not. For another, it's busywork; something that somebody can do and maybe feel productive. Or not. For still another, those who work on mission statements may earnestly be trying to describe what they see their company doing, or wish they would do. Getting individual employees to buy in to the particular descriptor is another task altogether.

Which brings me to the church. For at least as long as I've been in ministry--and, I sense, much longer than that--church consultants have advocated for the borrowing of concepts from the world of business, including the construction of a mission statement. Entire denominations do it, as do many local congregations. Look on most church websites, letterhead, bulletins, and wherever else, and many have adopted this practice in one form or another. And because we're the church, we have our own set of buzzwords and jargon that may appear: "community," "hospitality," "reach," "serve," "discipleship," and on the list goes.

(And maybe it'll mention Jesus. Or not.)

The last church I served had such a mission statement, which was fairly long. But here's the thing: when I would ask people what it said, nobody could tell me. It was printed on the bulletin cover every week, full of lots of great concepts and churchy words, but nobody paid it any attention. We even underwent a process to revise it to a single sentence and shared the new statement with the congregation in multiple ways. Honestly, this happened near the tail end of my time there, so I can't say for sure whether the new one is being used.

Where I am now, we have a lengthy mission statement that predates my pastorate by over a decade. It's even displayed on a lovely hand-carved wooden plaque. Do we use it? Does anyone pay it any mind? Not that I'm aware of. But it looks and sounds nice.

Churches should have a sense of direction and purpose, that I certainly wouldn't argue against. Unfortunately, too many churches' purposes in practice seem to be, simply, "Survive." This manifests in endless preoccupation over the scarcity--real or perceived--of money and members; the congregation turns inward to protect itself, negating the chance of ever improving upon the situation it worries about.

Does a church need a mission statement in order to change this sort of culture? In some contexts, perhaps. If presented right so as to effect buy-in from the congregation and subsequently hold itself accountable, this might be the right path for some. More often, however, a mission statement ends up being busywork that helps us feel like we're doing and saying something, with little follow-up after its creation other than having something new to put at the top of the newsletter.

What I have found to be more effective is cultural change from within via pockets of committed people doing something that they're passionate about. Do you have a handful of folks itching to go help with a Habitat for Humanity build? How could their participation help fuel a greater commitment to service around the church? Do you have some people wondering about the changing neighborhood and how to engage those moving in? What would their getting together for regular conversation about that produce? Is there a group that can see some of the deficiencies in technology and potential for greater engagement in those trends for the church? How could they be empowered for that work, and how might it catch on over time?

Church visioning begins with people, not buzzwords. Church culture changes via people who want to do something new getting others caught up in the excitement and possibility, not a statement about what you want to do.

In fact, coming up with a catchy, sound, astute statement loaded with pretty, purposeful-sounding words might be distracting. Crafting a mission statement provides the illusion of doing something without actually doing much at all.

What could we be doing instead?

July 2014 Pop Culture Roundup

Five items for July…

1. Jesus on the Mainline released their self-titled EP this month, and it's quite good. If you like The Black Keys, The Dirty Dozen Brass Band, Mumford and Sons, and/or Delta Rae, they're basically a puree of those groups. Unfortunately, they don't have anything that I could find to embed on here, but trust me on this. I'll sing this band's praises as they steadily gain mainstream attention.

2. We took Coffeeson to go see How to Train Your Dragon 2 this month. In this second offering, which takes place years after the first, Hiccup has really come into his own as a dragon-training tech whiz, and his gruff father has been dropping strong hints that he is to succeed him as chief of the village. That all gets sidetracked as a new threat emerges in the form of Drago Bludvist, a brutal viking with big plans to form a dragon army. Along the way, Hiccup learns more about his family and about his own capacity for leadership and diplomacy. This was a slightly darker, more mature film than the first, but I like that it didn't trivialize some of the themes it chose to portray. They saw certain things to their inevitable outcome honestly and tastefully.

3. A few weeks ago, I heard "Beautiful" by a band called Wussy, and I was taken by it so much that I wanted to listen to the entire album from which it came, Attica. It's quite an eclectic album, as you get dirty driving rock on "Rainbows and Butterflies," and then comes the wistful country sounds of slide guitar and piano on "North Sea Girls." One song is so incredibly different from the next, which is an easy way for an artist to reel me in. So here's "Beautiful:"

4. The entire family has been enjoying "Weird Al" Yankovic's latest album, Mandatory Fun, which came out a few weeks ago. With every successive album that he releases, I worry that I'll know less and less of the songs that he parodies, but these were pretty recognizable. He sends up Lorde, Pharrell, Imagine Dragons, and Crosby, Stills, & Nash, among others. In conjunction with the album's release, he spent eight days premiering a new music video each day. My favorite is "Word Crimes," his send-up of Robin Thicke's truly awful "Blurred Lines." It doubles as a public service announcement:

5. The second series of Ricky Gervais' Derek was recently added to Netflix. I watched the first near the beginning of the year and was taken by its sweetness and the attention that it pays to a population (those in nursing homes) that is largely ignored by society other than for the occasional joke. Derek himself is developmentally delayed, and is able to seek the good in everyone with whom he works as he dishes out encouragement, affirmation, and kindness to all of them. During one exchange with a successful banker who tries to convince him why people want better jobs so they can get more money, Derek says, "I get to be with these people. What's a better job than that?" I admit that I'm a bit of a sap, and some may see this show as a bit too sappy, but I've found it a wonderful portrayal of genuineness and love for others.

BONUS: Did you read Coffeewife's review of Grace for the Contemplative Parent by Lily Crowder?

Small Sips Doesn't Want Fireworks

Yeah, that makes sense. Carol Howard Merritt recently wrote a piece about writing. As it turns out, that's what writers do:
About three times a week, pastors ask me 1) how to get on the speaking circuit or 2) how to get published. The questions go together, because the answer to how to get on the speaking circuit is usually to get published. Sometimes they are just starting out in the ministry, and other times they are retired. Either way, my answer is the same, no matter what stage of life you’re in: Writers write.  
I can usually tell who is going to succeed within a couple of months. It rarely has to do with talent, intelligence, or how cool a person looks. It doesn’t matter that much how charismatic, young, or old a person is. Instead, it has a lot to do with the fact that writers write. It’s that simple. And that difficult.  
Of course, there are exceptions. I know two New York Times bestsellers who have told me that they don’t write every day. They only write when they have a book contract waiting. But until I get to their level, I don’t know how else to do it, other than to write.
So basically, if you want to be a writer, you need to write. I recently heard another author call this the "butt in the chair" method. That is, if you want to write, you actually have to put your butt in the chair and write.

I'm looking for these sorts of reminders as The Writing Project takes shape. You can't be a writer if you ain't writing.

I know what you mean in a differentiated sort of way. Craig Barnes shares some thoughts on empathy, and questions whether we tend to push way past its limits:
We are told, as far back as Introduction to Psychology in college, that empathy is great, and sympathy is bad. In A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix, rabbi and psychotherapist Edwin Friedman challenges this belief. 
Empathy is the vicarious experience of someone else’s feelings. Friedman’s thesis is that this is impossible because we can only feel our own feelings. So when we try to get inside someone else under the guise of being empathetic, we are actually just violating boundaries to find more of ourselves. We can feel burdened by the pathos of others, but that is sympathy. We can suffer alongside others, which is compassion.
In other words, empathy can be another way of making something all about ourselves. In this case, it is the pain of another that we may attempt to understand but are in great danger of projecting our own self into another, assimilating another's feelings into ourselves, or both. Barnes rightly calls this a violation of boundaries, as we let the other off the hook from taking responsibility for their situation, and letting their feelings and experience be theirs.

I've been as guilty of this as anyone. I like to think that I've learned my lesson the past few years…but probably not.

No, really, take care of yourself. Pastors are constantly told to care for themselves and we, in turn, pay lots of lip service to its importance. But then something happens like what PeaceBang describes, and it can be the type of thing that can get us to take it a little more seriously:
I lift up to the Lord the name and spirit of a Unitarian Universalist colleague whom I did not know personally, the Rev. Jennifer Slade, who died of suicide this week. 
May she be at peace. May she be held in the love of God that was her origin and shall be her eternity. May those who grieve her be consoled by the ministry of the holy spirit, by memory, by the strength of friends, by time, by rest and care. 
Colleagues, let us reach out for each other and make time for each other. Instead of asking, “How are you?” we might ask, “Are you okay?” 
The work of religious leadership is especially demanding in this time of closing churches and anxious laity. No one can afford to be comfortable and staid while our beloved institutions are falling around us. Even those of us who embrace the possibility of what God is doing in this time still have no idea what is coming next, and we are called upon to both serve the church as it is and imagine and prepare for what it will be tomorrow. We are “making it up as we go along” in a way that previous generations of ministers may be able to relate to culturally or theologically or organizationally, but not institutionally to this extent. The pressure is fierce. This is to say nothing of other life stresses of health, finance, family, community. 
Are you okay?
One might not think it often gets this bad, but in this changing cultural environment that may place additional stress on clergy, this sort of thing may be a danger more often than we think. So self-care, time off, and collegial support becomes more imperative.

No, seriously.

Yeah, so? YEAH, SO? The University of Michigan's Board of Regents recently shot down the idea of having fireworks after two games this upcoming football season. Mark Bernstein's comments that Michigan Stadium is meant to be different from Comerica Park or the circus has invited quite bit of ridicule about their pompous nature, reflecting once again the arrogant culture of Michigan in general. Well, what are ya gonna do? At any rate, Michael Weinreb takes a shot at extricating Bernstein's underlying point:
The beauty of college football is that, when done right, the experience markets itself. The placid chill of a Saturday morning in October, the rows of motor homes lined up outside, the expansive tailgates, the numerous kegs, the burgeoning lines (and smells) at the portable toilets — this is what Michigan (and other major college football programs) have that no other sport does. The NFL is a corporate experience, shaped by television; the crowds are essentially secondary: When the Seattle Seahawks’ home crowds suddenly became a factor in the game, it felt, to some, like an affront to the sport. 
In college football, the crowd is the thing. The crowds are bigger and more involved than in any other American pastime. And the only thing that truly enhances the experience for these crowds is a competitive football team. Everything else seems frivolous and stupid and antithetical to an experience that is supposed to at least feel, on the surface, that it is resistant to the bells and whistles of modernity (even though the balance sheets tell us it isn’t). College football should have a stripped-down vibe, because, on the best campuses, at the most tradition-laden institutions, everything you need is already there. 
That, I think, is what Mark Bernstein was trying to say (and by the way, it worked: In the end, the board voted with Bernstein and against the fireworks). He may have framed it in the most Michigan way possible, but he still spoke the truth.
We Michigan fans do have a certain arrogance (and lately it's been mixed with a healthy dose of self-delusion), but yes, this is actually what I heard in his original comments without much of a problem. But I'm part of that fan base, so maybe I'm part of the problem. Or maybe others like making up problems because it's Michigan. Having lived in Ohio for almost 30 years, I'm definitely aware that this happens occasionally. Or all the time.

By the way, I'm not really excited about this upcoming season. Like, at all. Usually I am by this point in the summer, but this year…nope.

Here's to me being given reasons to care.

Misc. Jan on not taking everything in ministry personally. Way easier said than done. Jamie notes that talking about doing something isn't the same as actually doing it. Like writing, for instance. Brant Hansen has left his position at Air1 radio. But he's still writing funny and insightful blog posts, so there's that.

Vintage CC: Children's Sermons that Textweek Rejected

I wrote this post in August 2007 during a moment when I was incredibly dissatisfied with children's sermons ideas I was finding online, so I thought I'd have a little fun with some of the common frustrations I have with many suggested lessons. The original entry still holds the record for number of comments, so it seems I wasn't alone in how I feel on this issue. Anyway, enjoy.

Text: John 8:1-11
Theme: Jesus Doesn't Want You To Throw Rocks
Props: A handful of rocks, one for each child.

Lesson: Say, "what have I brought with me today?" (Rocks.) "That's right, rocks. What can you do with rocks?" (Paint them, throw them, use as a paperweight, build a house, arrange a meditation garden with them). "Wow. Those are all great ideas. But the one that I want to talk about today is throwing rocks. Have you ever thrown a rock?" (Wait for responses) "Did it feel good?" (Wait for responses) "Did you want to do it again?" (Wait for responses) "Have you ever thrown a rock at another person?" (Wait for responses, take names of those who answer yes)

Say: "Well, I want to tell you a story. There was this group of people who wanted to throw rocks at a woman caught in adultery. Do you know what adultery is?" (Wait for responses. Many probably won't, in which case you say:) "Well, ask your parents when you get home." (Now hold a rock in your hand) "So these people wanted to throw rocks at this woman. And Jesus was nearby and heard about it. And he told them, "let he who is without sin cast the first stone. Do you think anyone threw a rock after he said that?" (No. Take names of children who answer yes) "No, they didn't. Because we're all sinful and totally evil. So God doesn't want us to throw rocks. So now I'll give you each a rock to remember not to throw it." (Hand each child a rock)

Prayer: Dear God, thank you for teaching us not to throw rocks. Help these children not to throw their rocks at each other or anyone else. Maybe in the river or at trees, but not at each other. And help them remember that it's because you love us and want us to love others. Amen.

Text: Acts 2:42-47
Theme: God Wants Us to Be the Same
Props: A bag of plain M & Ms

Lesson: Say: "Good morning!" (Wait for response) "I brought something along with me today. Can you tell me what it is?" (A bag of M & Ms) "That's right! I brought a bag of M & Ms with me." (I like M & Ms) "Do you? Me too. That's why I brought them. Look at all the different colors in here! What sorts of colors are here today?" (Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, brown) "Very good! You got them all!" (One time we had a bag of red and white M & Ms) "Really? Yeah, there are other colors too, aren't there?" (Yeah, one time we had some Shrek ones. They were green and brown and orange) "Wow, lots of different colors!" (Can we have some now?) "No, not yet. I have to tell you about the church.  So when the church first got together, they shared everything. In lots of ways they were the same because they all loved Jesus and had the same faith. Kind of like these M & Ms. They look different on the outside, but on the inside they taste the same, don't they?" (What about the kind with peanuts?) "Well, those don't count." (Why not?) "Because I don't have any of the peanut kind." (What about the peanut butter ones? I like those better) "No, not the peanut butter ones either. Just the plain ones." (Why don't the others count?) "Because we're the plain kind." (Well, who are the other kinds, then?) "No one is the other kind." (But someone has to be the other kind. They're real, too) "The point is that we all taste the same." (God is going to eat us?) "No, we're just the plain ones because we all love Jesus and taste the same." (That's not what I asked) "Look, we're plain M & Ms, we all love Jesus no matter what color we are, and that's it." (After the prayer, give M & Ms to everyone except that kid)

Prayer: Dear God, thank you for bringing us together by faith in you. Help us to remember that we're all the exact same on the inside because of Jesus. And help us to remember that it's because you love us and want us to love others. Amen.

Text: Matthew 28:1-10
Theme: God Resurrected Jesus and It Might Have Happened Like This
Props: A 9V battery, a red and blue wire, a light socket, a light bulb, a small 10" x 8" board, superglue, a Philips-head screwdriver, a cross, a picture of the empty tomb, a white sheet, copies of the medical explanation for fainting, a floor fan, a bag of suckers, stickers that say "He Is Risen!"

Before the lesson: During the hours upon hours that you'll surely devote to preparing for this lesson, glue the port for the battery and the light socket to the board, and attach the wires to the battery port. Screw the light bulb into the socket, but don't attach the other ends of the wires yet! Also, stick the "He is Risen!" stickers on the suckers.

Lesson: Say, "Good morning!" (Wait for response) "Who can tell me what today is?" (Easter) "That's right! It's Easter Sunday! Today is the day when we celebrate Jesus' rising from the dead! First, how did Jesus die?" (On the cross) "That's right, on the cross." (Show them the cross) "But then on the third day after he died on the cross, some women went to the tomb" (Turn on the fan) "And there was an earthquake and all this weird stuff happened where a man wearing white came down" (Hold sheet in front of fan so that it blows around) "And when he did that, the soldiers guarding the tomb fainted" (Read a brief excerpt from the medical explanation) "And the man in white came down and rolled back the stone, and the women saw that nothing was inside" (Show a picture of the empty tomb) "And he said that Jesus had been raised from the dead!" (Turn off the fan. Bring out the light bulb rig)

Say, "Do you know how it happened?" (No.) "No, me neither. But it might have looked like this. Jesus' body didn't have any power, like this light bulb. But God acted like a battery and sent the wires of the Holy Spirit into the tomb to give him life again!" (Attach wires to light socket, and the light will light up) "See? Just like this! How wonderful that Jesus could burn bright again, and that his filament is eternal!" (After the prayer, pass out the suckers with the stickers attached to them)

Prayer: Dear God, thank you for making Jesus burn bright again. Thank you for the everlasting conduit of your Holy Spirit. And help us to remember that it's because you love us and want us to love others. Amen.

Our Hunger Persists - A Prayer for Communion

Based on Genesis 12:1-9

Down in our deepest places
where questions echo and beliefs remain unfinished
the pangs of spiritual hunger twist and rattle.

We feed ourselves with plenty:
the busyness of work hours,
the distractions of leisure,
the security of wealth,
the excess of addictive demand.

These are our momentary satisfactions
sought moment to moment, day to day,
as we cry out to the world, "More!"

We trick ourselves into a false fullness
until the hunger returns
and we do it all over again.

We long even for the smallest crumb
of eternal life
that surpasses the fleeting and the frivolous.

To our inner rumbling, you respond, "Go."

You call us away from easy fixes
and quick releases.
We are slow to trust that what we need
is apart from what we've known.

But our hunger persists, as do you;
it is by your gifts of courage and peace that we go
to find what you wanted to show us:
a feast of grace and truth
for malnourished souls.

The journey is worth making
as we feel bread from heaven between our teeth;
as fruit of the vine drips from our chin.

Our bellies and spirits quieted,
we travel further
by your promise that there is yet more to see.

The Marriage Between System and Staff

Every church is a system. Or more accurately, it is a series of systems.

There is a system of worship: the coordination of greeters and/or ushers, the planning and scheduling of music, the liturgy and rubrics, the calling of people to help lead.

There is a system of governance: the governing board, committees or teams, how activities both routine and special are planned, how information is shared, how decisions big and small are made.

There is the interpersonal system of the congregation: who has power both stated and unstated, who is getting along and whose relationships are strained, who is connected to whom through blood, business, or friendship.

These and many other systems within a church change over time. Some evolve very slowly, others are subject to instability, still others healthily respond to changing circumstances. All have ways of handling anxiety and tension, some better than others. But there are nevertheless ways of doing things, handed down from one generation of leaders to another. Some are beloved and alive, others crusted over by time and inertia.

One thing that changes most often in church systems is the staff. This includes clergy, ministry coordinators such as those for Christian Education or youth, administrative professionals, and custodians. Some of these change more frequently than others. But congregations call and entrust certain work and leadership to individuals with credentials and skills and who are compensated accordingly.

And so new staff people enter established systems, and the two are expected to get along. This is where it gets complicated. Both are used to certain practices; both believe in a best way of accomplishing tasks and making decisions. Along the way, there is bound to be some give and take; some measure of compromise between the two in order to move ahead in ministry together. More often than not, it is the staff that are expected to learn the system before suggesting changes, which the system in turn may first attempt to process (and suppress) via its Anxiety Handling Mechanism. Enough diplomacy on the staff's part coupled with enough willingness to experiment on the congregation's part, and this can be overcome.

Sometimes, one or the other will go into business for itself. A staff person will discern that it will be more efficient and worth spending some social capital to handle something on his or her own. At other times, the system will change or be changed apart from the staff's input, and staff regardless will be expected to function successfully within the new arrangement.

Like any successful marriage, the keys to the system and staff working well together is trust and communication.

The system has been around for a while. It's not perfect by any means, and sometimes it's downright dysfunctional. But there are real people involved--at times caught up in it--with desires and dreams and uncertainties and hangups. And while they aren't perfect either, they're doing what they know how to do and have the best interests of the church in their hearts and minds.

The staff also know a thing or two. They have training, experience, and knowledge; they've been around. They certainly aren't perfect, either: they have just as many quirks as the people who have called them. And they, too, are doing what they know how to do and have the best interests of the church in their hearts and minds.

So if all of these imperfect people with their preferences, habits, and hopes are meant to work together, then they need to trust that the other knows something about what they're doing and discern when it's best to just let things play out. But that also entails communication, one to the other, about what needs to happen or what is going to happen. It entails talking to one another about what one thinks is best for the church's future, when one or the other is planning to move forward in some fashion, whether the change that one makes will really be workable for the other, and when it really will be best to go through the hard work of forging a new path together. This Third Way will involve a change in the system and the staff's preferred methods.

But if the two expect to be together for a while and want the other to succeed, then the Third Way will be worth it.

Book Review: Grace for the Contemplative Parent by Lily Crowder (written by Coffeewife)

When I requested this book for review, I somehow missed that it's meant for mothers specifically. So I thought it'd be fun to give it to Coffeewife to read and review instead. And so I present to you: a guest post and book review by Coffeewife.

I would first like to say that I do not believe I was the intended audience for this book.  I believe this book was written for conservative Christian mothers, when I am a liberal independent Christian mother. Yes, I am a strong Christian woman but I am also a child and adult therapist (psychiatric NP). It took me a bit to get into this book and my husband had to listen to my comments about not being the intended audience through those first couple of chapters.  This review will be from a mother, therapist, nurse, and Christian woman.

Once I finished the book, I found it to be insightful in many ways. I rather enjoyed Lily’s words of wisdom and I feel that many people need to hear them. I’m glad that she was able to tie it to the Bible. However, I feel some of her insights are so important that they could or should be included a book for all audiences and not just for Christian women. I wish I could share some of these insights with some of my patients’ parents.  

Lily talks about being mindful, a Dialectical Therapy Term. However, she calls it practicing “daily wonder”.  Making sure that you are connected to things around you: other people, environment, and yourself. This is crucial to enjoying and dealing with life. This will help you feel like a connected person, feel emotions, feel an overwhelming amount of love for your partner, children and family. Many now become involved with their phones, TV, iPad/Tablet, etc. They devalue people for devices. I can’t tell you how many times I have been involved with a family therapy session and a parent pulls out their cell phone during the session, a patient completes a therapy assignment using texting acronym, or someone stating that they want to spend more time with a family member when they are not on the computer.

I also found her comments about remembering to take time to play to be important. Letting your children be children and not expecting them to be little adults. There is a way to merge having well behaved children and letting them continue to be children. I can’t tell you how many times I have had people look at me during church because my 6-year-old son is making noise. However, it is age appropriate noise. He is not screaming or yelling, but is making comments, giggling, talking with other kids and playing. Sitting on the floor under the pew and wearing his tennis shoes with his church clothes, all part of age appropriate play.  Using both of these pieced together could allow a parent to be grateful for what they have.

I am so glad that she reminds parents to take some for yourself. Great comments, hard to implement. I completely agree with this and find it to be an important part of holding onto your sanity. Making sure that you are a person and not just mom or dad. Being an individualized person, having your own likes, dislikes, fun, and limits is important for people to know and understand about yourself.  Taking time out to recharge your mental battery, make you a happier person therefore it would make you a better/happier parent as well.  Everyone should listen to this, not just parents. Parenting can be compared to any other job, however those that are parents know it is not the same. If you take time for yourself, you do everything better: work, think, play better.

I must comment on the negatives before I share with you what I think is Lily’s best insight. I found the beginning of the book a little “gooey.” I realize she was trying to set up how she became a parent, but I’m not sure that all the information she shared was important for the purpose of the book. Due to being a non-conservative Christian there were many things that I wouldn’t do and ways I do not view the world. I do feel that motherhood is the most important thing in my life, I also want to put out there that it is NOT for everyone. Children and being a parent are expensive, you need to know who you are and what you want/expect from life,  know your partner, enjoy your partner and let yourself experience your life and/or career prior to making the commitment to being a parent, because it is a FOREVER commitment, outlasting many marriages and the majority of the time your life. Being a parent shouldn’t be something to be ashamed of but it is not something that should be shoved down others' throats. Take it in grace and realize that others don’t always hold the same thoughts and feelings. You can be a good or awesome Christian woman and not be a parent at the same time. There is also a way to have a career if you want and to have children. You do not have to give up your career or job to have children. I realize that Lily talks about how feeling guilty about giving up your career goals because you have wonderful and lovely children, but I’m not sure if that it really possible while taking time of your self and your needs. Be proud if you are a working mother. There is some guilt that goes along with this as well, wanting to be home more frequently. However, each working and not working comes with some guilt. The deal is, don’t hold it in. Talk to others about these feeling, talk with your boss, and practice balance. This is something that not only I deal with but also my husband, a minister, has to do as well. With any job and family, balance must be found through trial and error. Not just mothers need to find balance, everyone needs balance.

My final statement will be of something that Lily said that really struck a chord with me.  I actually became tearful.  She comments that even though we lay claim to our children because they are our flesh and blood that they are individual people that are kind of on loan to us. They will live on after us and we are entrusted with their upbringing and their care. The thought of being entrusted with my lovely children, a son and daughter, I find myself lucky and exceptionally fortunate.  I am thankful for the fortunate life that I have been given and that God has allowed me to have this life.

(I was sent a free copy of this book to review by the Speakeasy blogging book review network. My opinions are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255.)

Writing at the CCblogs Network

A few weeks ago, I became a contributor at the Christian Century CCblogs Network. You may have noticed the tag on the sidebar to this effect.

What's this mean, exactly?

At its most basic level, it means that the stuff that I write here occasionally gets re-posted there. I'm glad to say that this has happened a couple of times already. I even have my own contributor page.

It also means that I am listed along with a wonderful group of blogs and writers, some of whom I've enjoyed reading for years. It is an honor and privilege to be included with them.

Give the Network a look. You'll find a lot of inspirational and thought-provoking entries there.