Book Review: Grace for the Contemplative Parent by Lily Crowder (written by Coffeewife)
I would first like to say that I do not believe I was the intended audience for this book. I believe this book was written for conservative Christian mothers, when I am a liberal independent Christian mother. Yes, I am a strong Christian woman but I am also a child and adult therapist (psychiatric NP). It took me a bit to get into this book and my husband had to listen to my comments about not being the intended audience through those first couple of chapters. This review will be from a mother, therapist, nurse, and Christian woman.
Once I finished the book, I found it to be insightful in
many ways. I rather enjoyed Lily’s words of wisdom and I feel that many people
need to hear them. I’m glad that she was able to tie it to the Bible. However, I feel
some of her insights are so important that they could or should be included a
book for all audiences and not just for Christian women. I wish I could share
some of these insights with some of my patients’ parents.
Lily talks about being mindful, a Dialectical Therapy Term. However, she calls it practicing “daily wonder”.
Making sure that you are connected to things around you: other people,
environment, and yourself. This is crucial to enjoying and dealing with life.
This will help you feel like a connected person, feel emotions, feel an
overwhelming amount of love for your partner, children and family. Many now
become involved with their phones, TV, iPad/Tablet, etc. They devalue people
for devices. I can’t tell you how many times I have been involved with a family
therapy session and a parent pulls out their cell phone during the session, a
patient completes a therapy assignment using texting acronym, or someone
stating that they want to spend more time with a family member when they are
not on the computer.
I also found her comments about remembering to take time to play to be important. Letting your children be children and not expecting them to be little
adults. There is a way to merge having well behaved children and letting them
continue to be children. I can’t tell you how many times I have had people look
at me during church because my 6-year-old son is making noise. However, it is
age appropriate noise. He is not screaming or yelling, but is making comments,
giggling, talking with other kids and playing. Sitting on the floor under the
pew and wearing his tennis shoes with his church clothes, all part of age
appropriate play. Using both of these
pieced together could allow a parent to be grateful for what they have.
I am so glad that she reminds parents to take some for yourself.
Great comments, hard to implement. I completely agree with this and find it to
be an important part of holding onto your sanity. Making sure that you are a
person and not just mom or dad. Being an individualized person, having your own
likes, dislikes, fun, and limits is important for people to know and understand
about yourself. Taking time out to
recharge your mental battery, make you a happier person therefore it would make
you a better/happier parent as well. Everyone
should listen to this, not just parents. Parenting can be compared to any other
job, however those that are parents know it is not the same. If you take time
for yourself, you do everything better: work, think, play better.
I must comment on the negatives before I share with you what
I think is Lily’s best insight. I found the beginning of the book a little “gooey.”
I realize she was trying to set up how she became a parent, but I’m not sure
that all the information she shared was important for the purpose of the book.
Due to being a non-conservative Christian there were many things that I
wouldn’t do and ways I do not view the world. I do feel that motherhood is the
most important thing in my life, I also want to put out there that it is NOT
for everyone. Children and being a parent are expensive, you need to know who
you are and what you want/expect from life,
know your partner, enjoy your partner and let yourself experience your
life and/or career prior to making the commitment to being a parent, because
it is a FOREVER commitment, outlasting many marriages and the majority of the
time your life. Being a parent shouldn’t be something to be ashamed of but it
is not something that should be shoved down others' throats. Take it in grace
and realize that others don’t always hold the same thoughts and feelings. You
can be a good or awesome Christian woman and not be a parent at the same time.
There is also a way to have a career if you want and to have children. You do
not have to give up your career or job to have children. I realize that Lily
talks about how feeling guilty about giving up your career goals because you
have wonderful and lovely children, but I’m not sure if that it really possible
while taking time of your self and your needs. Be proud if you are a working
mother. There is some guilt that goes along with this as well, wanting to be
home more frequently. However, each working and not working comes with some guilt.
The deal is, don’t hold it in. Talk to others about these feeling, talk with
your boss, and practice balance. This is something that not only I deal with
but also my husband, a minister, has to do as well. With any job and family,
balance must be found through trial and error. Not just mothers need to find
balance, everyone needs balance.
My final statement will be of something that Lily said that
really struck a chord with me. I actually
became tearful. She comments that even
though we lay claim to our children because they are our flesh and blood that
they are individual people that are kind of on loan to us. They will live on
after us and we are entrusted with their upbringing and their care. The thought
of being entrusted with my lovely children, a son and daughter, I find myself
lucky and exceptionally fortunate. I am
thankful for the fortunate life that I have been given and that God has allowed
me to have this life.
(I was sent a free copy of this book to review by the Speakeasy blogging book review network. My opinions are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255.)
(I was sent a free copy of this book to review by the Speakeasy blogging book review network. My opinions are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255.)
